Play "The Draft Game"

Pretend for a second that military conscription is not a form of slavery.

Who should be called up if Bush or Kerry (a Vietnam combat vet who should know better) reinstates the draft in 2005? If you believe the now-defeated U.S. House bill proposed by Rep. Charles Rangel, nobody would be exempt. But Americans love finding loopholes in their laws. Remember how many virile young men slipped through the fingers of Selective Service during Vietnam?

I was one of them, proud owner of five different draft classifications during 1969-1972, none of which I asked for. That's not true. I didn't have to apply for -- and get -- a U.S. Navy Reserve Officers Training Corps (ROTC) scholarship. So you can put me down as requesting that. And I didn't have to go to college either. But that would have been pretty dumb in post-Tet 1969, since the government was paying for it, even giving me a monthly stipend. So I guess I actually asked for my college deferment too, which I had at the same time as the ROTC deferment. Two deferments at once! Let's see fellow Wyomingite Dick Cheney top that.

In review, here's the litany of my draft deferments. First I was a high school student (I-S), then a full-time college student (II-S) and, at the same time, a Navy ROTC midshipman (I-D). The Navy booted me out for various reasons but, because I had the college deferment (II-S) before the ROTC deferment, I attended college as a regular slob until August 1972. I dropped out and was classified draft-ready (I-A) for five months. I worked and waited around for the draft, fully believing I would be called since I had a low number from the 1969 draft lottery. Finally, in January 1973, I received a new classification (II-R, I believe) which made me too old for military service at 22 and informed me that I wouldn't be drafted unless the U.S. experienced a national emergency, such as a full-blown invasion of Daytona Beach by the Viet Cong and their coalition allies: Cuba, Angola, and, of course, The Soviet Bloc, including the much-feared Latvia and Lithuania. This never materialized, thank God, and I was off the hook.  

I earned a pretty good cross-section of draft classifications. Some “fortunate sons” had as many as me, found other ways to stymie their local draft board, or had Daddy pull strings to get in the Texas National Guard.

Exemptions to a new military draft are inevitable. Before they are uncovered, I want to jump in to propose my own priority list of those who should be called up in the 2005 military draft:

1. Sons and daughters of all politicians who promoted and voted for the cockamamie Iraq war. This suggestion is nothing new – Michael Moore already tried to persuade pro-war politicians to have their kids fight in Iraq. You can see how unsuccessful he was in “Fahrenheit 9-11.”
2. Sons and daughters of all executives, past and present, of war profiteers such as Halliburton.
3. Sons and daughters of neoconservatives, such as Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz, who dreamed up Bush’s scheme for battling terrorism by invading the wrong country.
4. Sons and daughters of all Christian fundamentalists who believe that the U.S. wars in South Asia and the Middle East are the fulfillment of Biblical prophecy. If they believe so strongly that God is on their side, they should have nothing to fear from battling Iraqis and Afghanis and Saudis (such as Osama bin Laden) who also believe that God is on their side.
5. Sons and daughters of all Fox News commentators, especially Bill “The Bully” O’Reilly, Brit Hume, and Sean Hannity. O’Reilly is fond of telling anti-war Americans to “shut up.” O’Reilly should put up or shut up, and send his family members off to war.
6. Anyone else who irritates me. I will compile a full list later. 

This game is open to people of any political persuasion. It could even be a reality TV show called "Survivor: Iraq." The show would follow 12 members of College Republicans (male and female) as they are conscripted out of M.B.A. programs, bulllied through basic training, and dropped (without the proper equipment) into the middle of Ramadi. The show's "voting out" (i.e. "beheading") process would be conducted by masked members of the Iraqi We-So-Angry Brigade. Hijinks ensue. 

But it‘s all fun and games, isn’t it, until it’s you who is called upon to sacrifice your kids to the latest crackpot political game? 

I have a 19-year-old son. Do you? 

--Michael Shay, 7/24/04 (updated 10/10/04)